oboewhelmed.

Can a person be too ambitious?
I want to audition for what I feel are the best schools for oboe is it really that bad?
I have one or two backups and i might possibly just waste money but at least i'll know that I'm not good enough.and that i need to do even more to get there.
Plus who knows maybe I am good enough. Maybe I have some really good qualities that a teacher might want to work and develop. I know im not amazing and I have a lot of flaws in my playing but I work hard and I work smart and I've come along way in the past few years..
I don't want to settle on grad school. I want to be made to feel small again, I want competition, I want higher expectations set on me, and  I want to be surrounded by people who want the same things as me.  I dont believe a lot of competition is good in music but i need to feel that fire in my belly that somehow takes me past my limits and brings me to new levels in my playing. That feeling of true inspiration.
I want to be able to play chamber music with all my friends instead of them always wanting to do something trivial like getting coffee or seeing a movie.
which i love but if i can spend almost all of my time making music I might just get to the position in life im longing for.  I want to be an artist on the oboe not just a girl who plays the oboe for a living.

I dont know if this makes sense, but I'm stressed and ready for a new adventure..