I am the worst at updating. life has been getting super crazy here.
I am opening up to the idea that NYC is my new home (at least for the next few years).
Who knows, eventually I might love it here and want to stay.. seems unlikely but I don't know what the future will be like.
Also school is awesome, there are still some things I don't like that I thought I could get away from, like immature students in rehearsals, people who dot know what they want to do, and just people who are rude to others who are trying to be better. but I guess those sort of things are everywhere in life and I just need to get used to avoiding it.
My schedule is really picking up this week with two large ensembles and two chamber groups to work on this week. so many rehearsals!! :) hopefully it stays like this for the rest of the semester!
I have also been working at this Mexican restaurant/ bar on weekends near my school. I love it, my co workers are so nice and I get to work on my conversational Spanish a lot since most of my co-workers done speak English:) super authentic. Its also starting to get cool here and I am looking forward to seeing my first real fall where the leaves change and you can feel summer leaving.
I still really miss my family, I wish I wasn't so bad at keeping in contact with people. I really am the worst.
I still kind of feel like an outsider living here though in pretty much every aspect of living here. I don't feel like I am good enough for this school, I guess I am though I got accepted and got a scholarship to be here but I just feel awkward and like my playing isn't good enough. I cant wait until I don't feel this way anymore. Even in theory I feel like this, especially aural skills, I got into grad 2 for both testing out of the first of each but I'm just so bad at it, like I cant hear intervals or complete my melodic dictations and fixed do took me a little to long to get used to..
I'm sure this will all get better by the end of the semester, I just need to toughen up.
If you were watching my ferling youtube videos. I still don't have internet at home to record and upload videos (school and starbucks are super slow). I'll be getting internet this month so i should be back to it soon:):)
also i got a surface rt to take to school and do work, which means I can update the blog more often.
this little thing is awesome.
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| Nadia and me from the other night. :) |
Awe Bea, I'm horrible at updating too. I always feel like people are too busy to keep in touch and next thing you know, it's been 6 years since you've spoken to each other. o.0 As for your "not fitting in" situation, You are right, the people who admitted you to the school saw something in you now you just need to see what they see. Whatever you put in the air will become a reality, so saying that you are awkward and feel like you don't belong will become a reality for you. As hard as this will be, try and stay positive, work hard (as I know you do) and everything will work itself out. I too am in a new place (Virginia) and also am looking forward to seeing my first real fall!! Keep updating - Jojo
ReplyDeleteThanks Johanna:) One of my goals this year has been to try and communicate better and to keep in touch with people.
ReplyDeleteI'm trying to stay positive, it's hard but I'm working at it.
I didn't realize you were in Virginia! that's fantastic :) how are you liking it?